I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Its about making memories worth repressing
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
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