I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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