Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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