It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
