We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
