He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
