it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I will be naked everywhere
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
