Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
