lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
ugly people sure do ruin things
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
His hands were made for my vagina.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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