He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
