But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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