so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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