So drunk its hurt
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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