he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
