He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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