The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
