yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
