all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I just blew my weed a kiss
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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