Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
