they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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