youre lurking in front of me
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
