My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Randomize
