one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
