It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
