No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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