I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
