so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
