Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
