hotel room ftw
I cut my penus on the lid.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
