who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
