I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
