my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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