their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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