At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
