I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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