Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize