I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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