did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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