I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
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