i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
