You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
My balls are so social today.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
