You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
