I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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