don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
