I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
