God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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