we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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