I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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