She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
