dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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