i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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