did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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