So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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