i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
