Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
