My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize