Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I want her autograph on my taint
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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