she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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