Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize