i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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