i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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