My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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