your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
barbara walters just said penis...
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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