We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
