we have pet lesbian snakes
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize