Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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