Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I accidentally had phone sex last night
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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